Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
