You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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