how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
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You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When are your genitals available?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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