it was like his penis was on wheels.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
