I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
