I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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