i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize