the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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