the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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