and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
