i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
this just has baby written all over it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
