so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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