Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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