we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He passed out mid-signature
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
