im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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