He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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