I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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