hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
