Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
