i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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