when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
