I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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