How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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