I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
