tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
