I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
