even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
