I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
