Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
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I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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