Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
