I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
