I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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