There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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