I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
