dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize