dude i'm inner monologue high
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
