How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I forgot wine drunk hurts
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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