My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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