I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
