let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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