im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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