end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im six kinds of drunk right now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
