I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This house was built for laser tag.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
