when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
