At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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