roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
