I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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