I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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