its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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