Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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