I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
