make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
