I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
