mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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