margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
