I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
