I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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