trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
