"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
