Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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