Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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