i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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