My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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