i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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