watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
