she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
